FLOURISH 019 – Some Potentially Harsh Words For You

| Sent Wednesday 1st of November


Hey there, over the years I have used this quote in many talks and workshops, it’s polarising. But just because it is polarising doesn’t make it false. It’s polarising because many people simply aren’t ready to hear it as it cuts right to your soul and makes you confront things you might not want to acknowledge. Here it is…

Your trauma probably isn’t your fault.
But your healing is 100% your responsibility.

We have all encountered trauma of some kind in our lives. 99% of the time it probably wasn’t even our fault. But, it has happened. Nothing can change that now. The person or event that caused it doesn’t want to heal it for you and even if they did want to, they can’t. Your healing is 100% your responsibility.

This is a hard reality for most people. So many of us get stuck in the victim mentality of “I am this way because of this.” And while that may be so, you don’t have to STAY that way. You can heal. It may be hard work, but you can heal.

The question you need to ask yourself is; 

So What Now?

This is a powerful question. It’s similar to the reframe from Tasha Eurich that I teach regarding reframing rumination from ‘why’ to ‘what’. Instead of ‘Why did this happen to me?’ we can ask “What can I do to move forward from here?” It also mimics the Stoics Dichotomy of Control; We should only be putting our time and effort towards things that we can control instead of those that we cannot.

This helps move us from a victim mentality to a creative mentality.

“It’s happened. There’s nothing I can do to change it, I wish I could, but I can’t. And if I can’t, so what now?

‘So, what now’ is when we lean on all the tools we’ve collected. 

‘So, what now?’ I go meditate. I go do my cold therapy. My breathwork. I go see a friend. I ask my partner for a cuddle. I go see my therapist. I go for a walk or a swim. I go see my mentor. I go read a book. I join a community.

When something traumatic happens in our lives we need places, people and techniques to help us move forward. Collect as many as you can then use them to create a better life.

Much love,


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