FLOURISH 020 – The Secret to Adulting…

| Sent Wednesday 15th of November

Hey there, 

Ever wondered why some people seem to have a never-ending supply of motivation? Well, science has a clue, and it’s all about the praise we give ourselves.

A pivotal study by Mueller and Dweck found that kids praised for their effort (“You worked so hard on that!”) rather than their intelligence (“You’re so smart!“) were more likely to embrace challenges and ultimately outperform their peers.

But here’s the twist – this isn’t just a kid’s game. As adults, our self-talk doesn’t tend to be great. They way we talk to ourselves matters; we need to self-parent. And; we need to self-parent with effort-based compliments. They are the secret sauce to keeping us going.

Instead of patting yourself on the back solely for the endgame (“I’ve lost 5kg!” “I got a promotion!”), we need to be celebrating the hard work that got us there… (“I’m proud of sticking to my health plan every day this week” “I’m proud of the extra work I’ve taken on at the office.”). It’s about giving a nod to the journey, not just the destination.

It also means that we get to celebrate FAR MORE OFTEN! We don’t always have a performance we can compliment, but we can definitely acknowledge and celebrate turning up every day to become a better human.

So, let’s champion a new mantra for ourselves (and those around us): the effort-based compliment.

It’s not just about self-congratulation; it’s about charging up for the long haul. And isn’t that what we’re all after?

Oh yeah… And obviously; do more effort based compliments with your kids too!

Curious about the study that started it all? Take a peek here.


Just wanted to say a big thank you to all the people that sent me a message after last weeks email – Some Potentially Harsh Words For You. A bunch of you said that this understanding (that you found before I wrote the newsletter to you!) was the key to your healing. Another bunch thanked the newsletter for the understanding to help start that healing today.

I really do appreciate the emails. Without the replies it sometimes feels like I’m talking into the wind, but, I am always heartened by the people I bump into who say that this is a component in their growth. That’s my only goal.


Inside Out With Jimi Hunt is back! Yes, I took a 10 month break after 90 odd episodes, but I’m really happy to have it up and running again. 

First episode explains where we went and what’s been going on. Second episode is me answering a handful of your questions and explaining a bit of what I learned whilst walking 3025km along New Zealand. From now on there will be a new episode every Sunday.

If you have any suggestions for guests then please hit reply and tell me.

You can listen to it on Spotify, iTunes, Google, or my website.

And if you feel like giving it a review on any of those platforms I’d appreciate that.

Much love,


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